A constant state of Becoming

Originally the plan was only to go to Germany for six weeks this summer. Not that six weeks isn't a long time. Just that that was the plan.

But yesterday Oliver booked my ticket, and I'm going from May 7th to July 23rd.

Even that doesn't seem long enough, but I thought I shouldn't stay the whole summer, what with my sister taking care of the dogs. Actually, I plan on buying enough dog food to last the whole time I'm gone so they don't starve .... =P

I need to get out of here... it's stagnant. I can't breathe here right now, and I don't know who I am anymore and I'm tired of crying all the time.

In the summer we can go to the Stockweier and maybe it won't actually be cold so I can finally swim in the lake. And we can play badminton and Mühle and eat crepes! Then I can forget everything and remember what feeling free is like.

I don't know what's wrong with me so don't ask. I can't write about it or talk about it. I can only cry about it and sometimes it's random and sometimes it's all the time. Even in class, for the whole class. I'm so tired all the time and I haven't gone to Karate in weeks and I don't know how to do statistics or epidemiology anymore and I've already failed Arabic, but I don't even care. Everything makes me either angry or incredibly depressed. It's not that surprising given my past diagnoses but now I don't have health insurance and I really am so afraid of going alone, I wish someone would go with me.

and I feel like an impostor.

hmm, I hate my epidemiology class and I've decided conjugating arabic verbs in the present tense is way too complicated for anyone's good.

Oliver left a couple weeks ago.
Finished my brown belt test...

Some days are ok.

Happy Eid, Merry Christmas, etc.

love you all.

What is your daily commute like?  What is the weirdest thing you've seen on that commute? 
Submitted by E. 

My commute to university is about 45 minutes each way. I rarely see anything interesting during the commute. Usually, if I see something, it's an accident. Although the other day there was a huge orange thing in the far right lane and it was scary because it was blocking the whole lane, and you couldn't see  from a distance it because it was on a downhill part of the road.

but I do have one story. One day I was driving to school to get to my 8:30am Arabic class when I suddenly noticed a bumper sticker in Arabic. It was a "I [heart] etc." bumpber sticker. Obviously I understood the heart part, because a big red heart is pretty much universal. And I got the "I" part (on the right side of the heart -- remember, Arabic is written right to left). But the problem was the object that was being hearted. I had no idea what it said and I got so caught up in trying to figure it out that I almost crashed into the car in front of me. It was SO SCARY. When I got to class I told my friend Sandra that reading Arabic while driving is a stupid thing to do and it almost got me killed and she looked at me like I was insane. I still have no idea what that number sticker said. (and no, it wasn't "I heart New York" in Arabic.") The end.

Don't Read and Drive.

In case you didn't notice yet, this is the best evidence out there that I am completely insane.

Me: I want my own horse btw
Oliver: haha. I know
Me: and a bow and arrow
Oliver: you want all kinds of animals and stuff
Me: and then I want to shoot arrows from horseback.
Me: like Link
Me: yeah. that would be awesome.
Oliver: hahaha I think you'll have to do with link's xbow training for Wii 
Me: pfft xbow is for babies 
Oliver: yeah you can't implement bow for the Wii though 
Me: boooooo. the Wii fails

And you think I'm kidding...

(P.S. xbow = crossbow)

I guess this is a little late, but I blame the holiday for several different reasons. Anyway:

THANK YOU, VOX!

Thank you for creating a couple of Eid designs for us Muslims who love your site. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
xoxo,
Megan

Ok look. I don't have anything against Diwali. I LOVE religious holidays. I would have gone to temple with my Hindu friends but I had prior engagements.

But SOMEBODY please explain to me WHY Vox made an ENTIRE [thisisgood] post about Diwali, but never mentioned Eid? Not even an Eid banner. Nothing. for God's sake we ALL KNOW they employ at least ONE MUSLIM.

lately I have been really frustrated with Holidays and pop culture. Holidays are great, even religious ones, even the religious ones that are part of religions that are not my own. I think the world would be a happier more peaceful place if everybody took a break from war to celebrate each other's religious holidays from time to time!

Want to do your part to make everyone feel a little happier everyday? For one: Say Good morning to everyone you run into and do it WITH a smile.

THEN, Pay attention to holidays and wish people a happy holiday. If they think you're nuts or they give you a dirty look smile and walk away. Chances are they'll feel like an enormous jerk later.

This season wish your Jewish friends Happy Chanuka. Wish your Christan friends Merry Christmas, wish your Muslim friends Happy Eid-ul-adha. Wish your Wiccan/Neo-Pagan friends Happy Yule. Wish your Sikh friends a happy celebration of the birthday of Guru Nanuk! And if somebody wishes you a happy holiday you don't celebrate SMILE, say a very gracious thank you and wish them the same. IT DOESN'T matter if you don't celebrate it. Say Thank you, for God's sake!

If they invite you, try to make it! If they pray, just pray the way you want to pray or watch quietly!

And if you're not sure when other people are having holidays, check this website.

So, Happy Holidays. now go be joyous.

It's seven in the morning and I just want you to know that I am absolutely terrified because today is my first day of substitute teaching. But I'm as prepared as I can be, I guess, so bring it on.

It only took half of an eternity to get this subbing thing to work, but it finally did. Soon I won't be so ridiculously broke! I've been in such a good mood lately, it's very hard for me describe it. But I've been pushing Thanksgiving back in thoughts because, although it was my favorite holiday last year, this year I don't want to think about it. At All.

Anyway, let's see, what's gone on recently.

• I passed my middle grades math teaching exam (oh what an accomplishment).
• I got another A on an Arabic exam.
  
• I'm preparing for my brown belt test (yikes!)
• I bought a box 150 crayons because I'm insane.
• Oh, right the Open Bushido tournament. It was awesome and I had a great time even though they made me compete against a 6th degree black (SRSL!! what the...!? how mean.).

well I've spent 7 minutes doing this and I really can't spend any more time because I have to leave in 13 minutes! So, have a good day. much love.

The holiday of Eid is supposed to be a joyous occasion where people behave generously towards each other. Families gather at the mosque, share food, give gifts, and visit each other. Being the only Muslim in my family, the family visits and gift giving don't really apply to me. One of the girls in my Arabic class converted to Islam a few weeks ago (in the middle of Ramadan) and we have been getting close, as I have been helping her to learn about hijab (she asks me questions about it. I don't try to convince girls to wear hijab), salat, etc. Her boyfriend is Palestinian, so she can also ask him questions. But I think sometimes she feels more comfortable talking to someone else about it.

Anyway, we decided to go to the mosque together on Eid. I was fairly certain that Eid would fall on Saturday, but she text messaged me on Thursday afternoon to tell me Eid would fall on Friday. So, I went around looking for a mosque not too far from both of us that would hold Eid services on Friday and nothing surfaced. The majority of the Mosques here follow the Islamic Society of North America, which declared that Eid would fall on Saturday.

Before I continue with this, I want to stress that it doesn't matter to me when people decide to stop fasting. If you are non-Muslim, you might be confused by all this-- why is it so difficult to determine when Eid falls? Well, there are many reasons. But the biggest reason why there is such a variation in the day different countries Celebrate Eid (this year: Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday) is because the day is determined by sighting of the the moon. The new moon is the beginning of a new lunar month. However, the new moon is invisible to us, so lunar months begin at the sighting of the first [waxing] crescent. This may actually vary by the geographic location of the person looking for the moon, so it is only natural that, all over the world, Eid will not fall on the same day for everyone. Now, I actually believe that it would do the Ummah (the Muslim Community) a whole lot of good if we would use astronomical calculations to determine the beginning and end of all Islamic months. Many Muslims are against this because they consider it a form of innovation, which is strictly frowned upon in Islam. I understand their concerns and opinions, and I don't bother trying to convince them one way or the other. I have my opinion, others have theirs, and that's that. This post isn't about which way is better, or which day was really Eid. This post is about how people forget the spirit of Eid when they get so caught up arguing over which day it should be.

So, back to my story. The majority of mosques over here were celebrating Eid on Saturday. "So, what's the big deal if you don't care when people celebrate Eid?" you ask. Ok, I'm getting there. My friend calls her boyfriend trying to find a mosque that is celebrating Eid on Friday. She wants to celebrate it on Friday because her boyfriend is very, very adamant that Friday IS EID and NOT Saturday. I I told her I didn't care which day we went, so it was up to her. This all would have been much simpler if  we could have gone to the same Mosque as her boyfriend. But-- She can't go to the same Mosque that he went to because of parental issues, so we have to find a different one. I am soon informed that the Islamic School of Miami is doing Eid prayers Friday morning at 9:00am. This is really far from my house, so I get up at 6:30, leave my house and 7:00 and meet my friend at her house. We head over to the Mosque, missing the turn a few times, and arrive, alhamdulillah in one piece, only to find that the Mosque is empty. The lady cleaning inside tells us that Eid is tomorrow. We are disappointed. She texts her boyfriend. He responds in a very vulgar way, insulting Pakistanis. and I'm upset.

Look, I'm not writing to villify this woman's boyfriend. I don't know him at all. I don't know anything about him, except that he thinks that his Islam is the only right Islam. But it really made me angry that he was racializing Eid. I didn't want to argue with my friend, but I had already visited Moonsighting.com, and ISNA and I knew what was going on in the US and abroad in terms of Eid. I knew that ISNA had declared Saturday to be Eid, and I tried to explain to her that that's why so many mosques were celebrating Eid on Saturday. but I'm not sure she heard me. Celebrating Eid on Saturday was not about being Pakistani. In fact, Pakistan declared Eid to be on SUNDAY. Egypt, Oman, and Morocco, all Arab countries, celebrated Eid on Saturday. But many people follow Saudi Arabia, and believe that this is the only right thing to do. Since Saudi Arabia declared Friday to be Eid, in this man's eyes only Friday could be Eid.

The thing is, I wouldn't have cared what day he insisted Eid was if he hadn't turned it into some Arabs versus Pakistanis argument.

Anyway, many of you know that I don't care for the mosques here in Miami. Most of them stick the women in this tiny little room with a TV, and we watch the khutbah (sermon) over the TV and then pray really squashed together. I also hate that this keeps me from going to the mosque because I am convinced that it's done this way specifically to keep women from showing up (it is argued that it is about modesty. and I can confidently argue back why modesty does not require women to be separated from the men so drastically). We had resigned ourselves to waking up early again on Saturday for Eid prayers, but my friend really wanted to go to Friday prayer at a mosque, so we went to the same place we had been in the morning (normally, if I go to Friday prayer I show up at  FIU, where I don't get stuck in some tiny room separate from the Imam. But even the Friday prayer at FIU can irritate me). The same thing happened-- tiny room. TV. Sardine can prayer.

The next morning I woke up, showered, got dressed, put my stuff in the car when I realized I wanted to bring sandals with me. On my way back in the house to get my sandals before I left I checked my phone and notice I had a message form my friend. She wasn't going to make it because she'd been in a car accident the night before and was very sore. Alhamdulillah she is not injured, but without her I could not see any reason for me to endure more things that really irritate me. We were going to a different mosque, one that some of my friends' families visit, but seeing as how the mosque is so packed on Eid, it was in no way certain I'd even see them. So, I went back to bed. and that was my Eid.

This is a really long post. But what I really want to vent about is racism. I hate it. It made me angry. and it has no business creeping into our Eid celebrations.

Whether you celebrated Eid Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, I wish you Eid Mubarak!

Eid Mubarak... Handwritten on a post-it style :D